She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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