i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
