I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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