Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
