Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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