Will you blow on my dice?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
