she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
