i would punch a child for taco bell
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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