Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i came on her dog
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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