So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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