What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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