i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
