ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
