do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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