Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
