I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize