you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize