I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
