We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
