girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
