You can't motorboat a personality
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
