i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
