i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
