Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
