i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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