Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
