I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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