i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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