I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
