woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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