you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
