you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
