the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
