dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
