She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
whose ass print is on the piano?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize