Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
