Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
