So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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