do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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