I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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