at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
