Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
