Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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