I think im going to throw up on grandma
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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