Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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