So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
