i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
