you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
