Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I met the friendliest cop last night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
