I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
not ubering you a puppy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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