I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
