I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
