is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
