Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
