shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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