I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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