no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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