is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
