DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
