My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
