i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
