Apparently you make a good broom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
