Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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