I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
