His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
