Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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