dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she smelled like a LAN party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize