I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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