Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
