A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
