She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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