I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
