I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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