i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
