Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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