I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
