wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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