Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
