Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
