First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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