Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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