I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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