And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
