my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
