We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
