he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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