my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I need a burrito and a hug.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
