Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
