brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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