thus making me awesome and them whores
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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