And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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