I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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