Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
