dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
