How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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