eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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