her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
