Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
