Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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