i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
