Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
