Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
