alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
