theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
