Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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