Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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