Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
True college students do jello shots in the library
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