I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize