How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
