I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
NoShamevember. You game?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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