she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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