'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize