Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
