Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize