and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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