I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
