Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
