She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize