i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
